she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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