I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
