Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
