Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
