He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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