my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
