I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Send help, water and tortillas.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
