just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
