..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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