He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
