i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
