I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
