Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
