Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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