Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
