I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
