So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
