Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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