Pants 0. Shit 1.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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