I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
