that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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