Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
