just tell him i said nine months
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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