I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude i'm inner monologue high
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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