if you like me you must not know who I am
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize