we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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