sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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