I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
