Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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