Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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