mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The air was thick with penises
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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