if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
