glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Randomize
