but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
