i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
