but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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