i think my tv is drunk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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