It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
