You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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