I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
