youre lurking in front of me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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