For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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