I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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