even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
