Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
