I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
