Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
farters have to be the big spoon...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
