sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
