i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
