My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
