You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
