and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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