Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
