i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
