forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The best revenge is premature balding
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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