I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
