There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
