Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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