the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are we still banned from the library?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize