Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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