woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
