I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
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