i will never coherently bang her
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
