I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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