I skipped work to stalk him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
