I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
