is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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