i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
