In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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