You surviving the open bar?
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If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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