I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
