I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
