I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
