i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We are all done wearing pants today
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