Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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