You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
