Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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