What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
