Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The best revenge is premature balding
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
