Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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