I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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