FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
